Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage . . . They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
~Psalm 84:5

Saturday, May 20, 2006

The end is near

Hello Blog. I've missed you . . . Actually, I've been spending most of my time on myspace, fighting off the internet predators one click at a time. But now that summer is almost here I should have more time for blogging. Problem is I may not have much to blog about since I won't be working everyday. *sigh* It's an endless cycle.

I have exactly four days of work left. Actually, I have four days left of working with the kids. I still have to "work" for another week and a half after that, but the hard part will all be over. And not a minute too soon, I'm exhausted; it's been a long year.

I have mixed feelings about this school year ending. I'll be ecstatic when this season is over. Heck, my coworker and I have been counting down the days for over a month now! It will be wonderful to be in a less stressful and threatening work environment ((I write that in faith; I have yet to find a new job...ok, ok, i have yet to seriously search for a new job...I'm just so darn tired!)). It will also be wonderful to love kids again and not hate myself for yelling at large groups of three- and four-year-olds. I know my next teaching position may also be challenging, but if I could survive this school year, I could survive anything. I just need to get out of this current situation ASAP.

Despite how excited I am for this to be over and done with, how happy I will be to be away from all the crying children and my psychotic boss, I'm starting to realize I will miss my kids. At least some of them. I think. And I'll also miss my coworkers. At least three of them.

Last week was teacher's appreciation week and I was showered with gifts from my kids. Mostly fruit baskets (at least 6 of them!) and flowers. I felt so loved! A card with one of the baskets said: "I love you . . . because you have been a great, sweet and wonderful teacher throughout my first school year. I'm just beginning my life and I have learned a lot from you. Although I won't see you in a couple of weeks; I will always remember you as my sweet, sweet teacher. I love you forever . . . . Nathalie"

How precious is that?! I even got a little misty-eyed. Sure, her mom wrote the whole thing, but Nathalie at least wrote her own name at the bottom. I taught her that!!!

But as I've began packing up my classroom, I can't help but remember all the vision I had coming into the school year. I somehow lost most, if not all, of that. And that grieves me. I feel as though I failed my students in a way. I allowed crappy and incompetent administration deter me from my goals this first year of real teaching. At the same time, I know I impacted my students; otherwise, they wouldn't love me so much. I just pray they remember the love and fun songs, not the shouting and impatience that too easily surfaces. Now I know how to pray over the summer in preparation for next year. You can pray that I will diligently seek the Lord and store up for the upcoming year. And while you're at it, please pray that I find a new job . . .
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