Homesick...

When I had to choose the dates for my trip I was under massive pressure.  It was the week of my final finals, two weeks before graduation.  I was also packing up all my belongings so I could send everything I didn't need home with my parents.  I hadn't communicated much with the folks here in England.  All I knew was that they wanted me to come and work, they were expecting me in June, and I was to stay for a month or two.  June 23-August 11 sounded good to me, so I booked the flight.
The first week here was extremely hard.  Reality hit as I boarded the plane.  "What the crap am I doing?"  I was literally at the mercy of God, because Debbie doesn't board planes with overseas destinations all by herself.  I missed my family.  I missed my friends.  I actually missed my classes and professors (well, some of them).  I was happy in Waco, going to class, going to church, hanging out with friends, etc etc.
Watching Friends tonight reminded me of those days.  It was an episode from the first season - the one where Chandler's mom kisses Ross; Monica and phoebe "woo-hoo" at the guy in the street and he ends up getting hit by an ambulance.  Then, One Tree Hill came on after Friends.  I was able to watch through the theme song but eventually had to turn it off.  *sigh*  All these shows bring back happy memories of staying over at friends houses, cooking dinner, eating sweets, and drinking wine.  (Actually, during this past year it was mainly Elaine and Kristen's house where all this took place.)
So now I feel nostalgic and slightly homesick.  Two days ago it would have been okay because I knew I would be going home in two weeks.  But now I'm not going home for two months.
It's amazing how complicated human emotions are.  I want to leave and stay all at the same time.  A few weeks ago I decided seven weeks wasn't enough time to spend working on Project.  I looked into staying longer, but found I couldn't afford it.  Then, King's Arms offered to help me pay and they wanted me to stay.  Silly me decided to extend my stay through September, and I rushed off to London to change my flight.
Don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled to have the opportunity to stay.  I know I will be grieved to leave come September 30.  But at the same time I miss home.  I miss worshipping with the body of Christ at Antioch.  I miss late nights in the library, laughing with friends when we should be studying and writing papers.  I miss heading over to my brother's house to play with my nephews and niece, and those evenings where we all get together as a family and have dinner and watch movies.  I miss Friday night Friends binges and late nite coffee shop runs.  I miss home.
If home is where the heart is, then my heart is in San Antonio with my parents, in Waco with my brothers and my brother's family, in a swing on the Baylor campus, and in countless other cities my friends have dispersed to over the years.  And I know come October 1, my heart will also be in Bedford, England.
But for now, my whole body is in Bedford.  I cherish the time I have here and I love the new friends I've made.  I also know these three months are preparation for the rest of my life.

Blessed are those whose strength is in You,
  who have set their hearts on pilgrimage. . . .
They will go from strength to strength . . .
  -Psalm 84:5,7a

Follow up email...

Here's the email I just sent out; it's the follow-up from the one I posted July 14th:

Wow, your prayers have definitely been heard!  The sun appeared yesterday and chased away all the clouds.  Now we're enjoying beautiful *sunny* weather.  Children are riding their bikes through the streets, celebrating the start of summer vacation.  The joyful tune of the ice cream truck beacons to young and old alike, promising a cool release from the heat.  And hot it is! or at least, in English standards.  We probably broke 80 F.  Proof that I've been here too long:  I actually thought it was HOT as I walked to work yesterday.  It may not have even been 85 F.  I dread returning to Texas, where temperatures are trying to push past the 100 mark.

However, it looks like I may beat the heat this summer.  My August 11th departure has been pushed back to September 30th!!!  I wanted to stay longer but I just didn't have the finances.  I resigned myself to returning Aug. 11, after giving up hope of remaining until the end of Aug.  When I communicated this to Nilesh, the Night Shelter manager, he talked to Mike, the Project manager, and they were able to "work something out."  So here I am, with two full months ahead of me!  Yay!

I am excited about staying longer but there are moments I miss home and want to be back with my family and friends.  There are also the moments I panic and question whether this is what I should be doing.  I figure God has lead me this far and will be faithful to lead me the rest of the way, whether it's staying through September or returning earlier.  I'm also trusting that He will provide for all my needs - this is a *huge* step of faith for me because I didn't even think my finances would last until August 11th.  Now we'll have to see if they last 'til September 30th!  Please pray that I would have peace and trust that the Lord will provide for all my needs.

I may have mentioned this in a previous email, but I absolutely *LOVE* the staff here!  They are amazing men and women of God who daily lay their lives down to love those which society has rejected.  And they're so much FUN!  We had the Project summer social Wednesday.  All the staff from the Night Shelter, Barton House, and the offices got together.  In the morning we went to the cinema and watched Spiderman II.  It's such a great movie!  One realizes just how American it is when one is seated in a cinema in an English town, surrounded by English people who don't even laugh at the funny parts!  That evening we went to the Bishop's House ((it's literally the house that belongs to the Bishop of Bedfordshire -- his daughter, Ali, works for the Project)).  PK, the assistant manager/administrator for the Project, organized a night full of giant Jenga, life-sized snakes and ladders, skittle (9-pin bowling), and giant connect-four.  It was so much fun!!  My favorite part was when we took the giant dice from the snakes and ladders game and threw them at each other, chasing each other around the yard.  We had a blast and were all absolutely winded at the end of it!

This week, I'd like to ask you to pray for the staff.  Many are burning out from their work.  It's hard to love and serve people who take everything you do for granted.  It's also hard to sit back and watch them destroy their lives with drugs and alcohol.  Some on staff or becoming jaded.  They need encouragement and refreshing from God.  There are a few whose time here on Project is coming to a close.  They need direction for the future.
Here's a list of the staff from the Night Shelter:
Mike M. - the King's Arms Project manager
PK (Paul K.) - the KAP assistant manager/administrator
Nilesh - the NS manager
Hannah - the NS assistant manager; she will be leaving project at the end of August
Heather - does lots of NS administration; been here for 1 year
Jez & Justyna - been here for 1.5 yrs
Chris - been here 4 months
Nesta - been here 2 yrs
Fiona - been here 7 months; although she *loves* the NS, she's looking for new job b/c w/ 3 children at home, the work is too demanding/time consuming; also, she's getting married Aug 14!!!
Sarah H. - her year-long commitment is up in one day! she'll be joining a KA church plant in Leeds in September
Ewelyna - from Poland, here working for the summer (until Sept 5)
Micah - been here almost 2 yrs??  just got married on June 26th!!
Carl - been here abt 10 months
Amy - another American! been here 11 months, her year commitment is up in August
Please pray that the remaining staff members would not be spread too thin; losing 4 permanent staff members in less that two months is massive!

Thanks again for the prayers and encouraging emails!  They are greatly appreciated and needed!

What do you hear at work?

Here's a bit of the conversations I hear/engage in:

 
Scene: The Hostel; resident cleaning up after tea (dinner, for all you Americans), while staff sits in lounge playing Scrabble w/ other residents. 

Laughter heard from kitchen.
Unknown resident:  Uh, is it okay that Andy is throwing dishes out the window?
Sarah (staff member):  What?!  Why is he doing that?
Resident:  Because he can't get them clean . . .

Later, after Scrabble game . . .
Sarah: Hey Andy, do I need to go outside and get the rest of the dishes you threw out the window, or did you already get them all?

 
Scene:  The Night Shelter; American Girl and Resident Boy sitting at table after tea.
Boy: So, are you Indian or something?
Am Girl: Mexican American, but I do have some Indian blood in me.
Boy: So, do you speak Mexican?
Am Girl: No, but I do speak some Spanish . . .

15 Minutes Later
Boy: So,  do you speak Inca?
Am Girl: (Mentally Thinking: No, you weirdo! and it's Aztec Indian in my blood, not Inca!)  (Actually says, slightly bewildered:) No, I don't . . .

10 Minutes Later
Boy: So, do you do basket weaving?
Am Girl: (mentally Thinking: What the -? No, do you try to be a racist bigot or does it just come naturally?)  (Actually says, with a chuckle:) No, I don't.
Boy: (And he's being serious, folks) Well, you should.  It's your culture.  That what's wrong with people these days.  They don't hold onto their culture.  They should all go back to where they came from . . .
Am Girl: Mentally blocks out boy because it's obvious he's a complete moron.

 
Scene:  The Night Shelter; 11:30 pm; all is quite as the residents start getting ready for bed.

Resident: Do you know how to make a rollup?
Am Girl: Excuse me?
Resident: Do you know how to roll a joint?
Am Girl: What? No. I mean, yes.  I mean, no.  I mean, I see you guys roll cigarettes every night. . . I think I can figure it out . . .
Resident: Right . . .
Am Girl: No, really!
Resident: Uh-huh . . . (walks out of kitchen into middle lounge) 
 
Disclaimer: Just for the record, the writer of this post has NEVER smoked a joint!

Comment away, folks!

Yay!  I installed a new comment thingie so you don't have to be a registered user in order to leave us comments.  So now you don't have an excuse to remain silent!  Hah!

What I Did Today...

Time to update you on the small, insignificant details of my life...
1.) Finished my last night shift!!!  ::and there was much rejoicing::
2.) Tasks at work this morning included: 
        a.) Cleaned the whole of the N/S kitchen. 
        b.) Chatted and prayed w/ co-workers. 
        c.)  Lots of laundry. 
        d.) Cooking dinner for tonight's late shift. 
        e.) Pulling stinky sheets off of stinky beds in stinky rooms.  Yuck! 
        f.)  Talking to Bryan, an 18 year-old whose been homeless for 2 yrs, abt submitting to God and trusting Him to reveal life's plans in His timing.
3.) Ooo...I did this last night, but I still want to write abt it: I was hanging out w/ 6 residents and they were asking all these tough questions abt God.  The Holy Spirit was definitely speaking through me b/c I was able to biblically answer all of their questions.  At one point someone asked how I can believe in something I've never seen.  I was able to explain that even though I haven't seen God I've experienced His grace, love, and power.  I briefly talked abt my family's testimony and how He continually provided for us, healed us, etc.  All eyes were on me and you could have heard pin drop in that room.  That never happens; someone's always yapping and trying to argue against what you just said.  It was way cool.
4.) Fiona was so kind as to give me a ride home from work.  I slept for abt 4 hrs.
5.) Watched Dawson's Creek.  Never watched it much back in the States, but it's quickly becoming a weekend ritual.
6.) Watched most of VH1's most famous music videos ever.  That brought back some memories!  Remembered most of the words from November Rain.  Hadn't seen that video since we were kids hanging out w/ our uncle at Grandma's and we would watch MTV even though we weren't supposed to.
7.) Emailed people.
8.) About to do some laundry and then head to bed early.
That was my day, what abt yours???

Sad news for U2...

This is v sad.
We (my brother's and I) were counting on the U2 album to be released this fall so they can start touring in the spring.  Big bro David has big plans to see them play in Ireland and I wanted to tag along.  *sigh*

Some Random Thoughts...

1.)  Elaine, where are you???  You haven't posted in over two days!
 
2.)  I just finished watching Cold Mountain.  It was so depressing but so good!  I cried most of the way through it.  I knew how it ended, though.  Normally I'd rather not know the ending, but I was glad I was prepared for it.  ***Men beware:  It's a chick-flick in disguise!***
 
3.)  I don't know if men do this in the States, but almost every single father I have seen walking around pushing a stroller does it one-handed, walking almost side by side w/ the stroller.  That doesn't make for good steering, so the poor child is jolted back and forth while the parent walks around strutting his stuff.  Men are weird.
 
4.)  We had a staff bar-b-que at the Night Shelter on Wednesday.  No offense to any KA people reading this, but it was pathetic!  The burgers were frozen crap that shrunk to abt three inches in diameter, therefore the bun literally swallowed the poor thing.  Don't even get me started on the sausages.  *sigh*  I need to show these guys how Texans do bar-b-que.
 
5.)  Guys are the same in England, though.  They all wanted to be outside w/ the fire, cooking/burning the meat.
 
6.)  We've had over twenty people visit our blog!  Yay!  Granted half the number is probably Elaine and the other half me.  If you are reading this and are neither Elaine nor I, please do leave a comment or two so we know who you are!
 
7.)  I'm waiting until two so I can call home and it not be an "un-Godly hour."  I think Mom would appreciate that.
 
8.)  After I call home I'm going to SLEEP!  Why will I be going to sleep at two in the afternoon?  Because I started my waking nights at the night shelter two days ago.  That means I go in at 10 pm and work all night until 9 am.  Yesterday I made the mistake of going to bed as soon as I got home.  I woke up at 4:30 but was tired again by 9.  This way I get seven straight hours of sleep...as long as the neighbor's kid doesn't start screaming again!  I normally *love* kids, but yesterday I was wishing for a gun...
 
9.)  Wow, that last sentence sounded pretty harsh.  I'm just keeping it real!  Besides, people think some horrendous things they wouldn't normally when they are rudely awoken in the middle of a deep sleep.  Right???
 
10.)  Was "awoken" the right verb tense, or even the right word? 
 
11.)  Hmm...I can tell I need some sleep.  Ok.  Bubye.  =o)
 

Hard Work

During my weeks here in Bedford I've learned that working with the poor is extremely hard work. Our church back in Waco is big on missions, which is great, but sometimes missionaries and missionary work is glorified. I only work in the Night Shelter Wed-Sun, but I am so emotionally and physically exhausted by Monday that I end up sleeping most of the day. I have yet to venture out on my days off and see the countryside!
I apologize for the length, but below I'm posting an email I sent to friends and family back home. All the events took place last week, and I've changed the names of the residents for integrity sake (I'm sure they wouldn't want the details of their lives floating around the internet). This is just a glimpse of what life is like at the moment...

The weather here in England is very unpredictable. In the morning the sun is shining and the sky is beautifully bright blue. By lunch time the wind is howling and the dark menacing clouds overhead threaten to release their contents at any moment. The wise quickly learn never to leave home without a sweater and an umbrella. Then there's me, who gets caught in a drizzle nearly everytime I leave the flat. 'It's not that bad; I don't need my umbrella.' Fifteen minutes into my trek to work I'm mentally kicking myself and desperately missing my car.

The spiritual climate seems to mirror the physical. The first week of 'real work' here was relatively peaceful. I went to work at 2:30; we all cleaned house, prayed, visited people, cooked, etc; the guys came in at 7 and we served up their dinner; we hung out until residents found their way to bed or our shift ended at 10:30. Such nice, peaceful weather. But this week I learned that storms can blow through at any moment, with no warning.

Sunday started off stressful because dinner wasn't ready on time. Some of the guys came in hungry and cranky. Their mood started rubbing off on me and it took everything in me to keep from telling them that they didn't have to stay and wait for their free, hot meal and later crawl into their clean, dry beds if all the staff was so inconsiderate as to not have everything ready on time because we obviously goofed off all afternoon and failed in our mission to cater to their every need. Nope, I kept my fiestiness in check.

Tensions have slowly been building in the Night Shelter and it all came out that night. It was aided by Pat, a guy I had never met before but who the other staff members knew. He came in around 7:30 and by 8:15 K, another resident, was yelling and threatening to cut off Pat's head. Apparently Pat and someone else walked in on K while he was in the bathroom and Pat started hitting him. Pat claimed that K had said something about his buddy. Hannah and Sarah were working with me that night and they were able to separate the two men. K was fired up, though. Hannah finally got him to calm down and he explained what happened. Then he decided to leave because he was afraid he might hurt someone if he stayed. Normally, residents get two warnings before they are barred from staying at the N/S. K could have been given a warning b/c he was definitely verbally abusive and threatening to another resident, but Hannah felt he was very distressed and decided not to give him one.

Meanwhile, Sarah was in another part of the house dealing with two other guys who had disregarded her during the situation. They kept trying to get into the lounge where Hannah, K, and I were b/c they wanted to go through to the kitchen for coffee. Sarah ended up giving them a warning b/c they were unresponsive. That set everyone off. About eight guys started loudly complaining abt the unfairness of the staff and abt how K always gets away with things. They went on for abt two hours.

Later, Hannah was talking to Pat. I don't know the particulars, only that he started getting verbally abusive. Sarah called me over and told me to get ready to call the police. Hannah asked Pat to step outside so they could talk more privately, but he refused to go out first and grabbed her arm to drag her out. At that point I decided to call the police and as I ran to the office I heard him tell Hannah that he would hurt her before I could even make the call. The Lord intervened b/c right after saying that he just let go of her and walked out. We were all shooken up. I was thankful to have the following three nights off. Unfortunately, Thursday night wasn't much better.

Every Thurs afternoon guys who have been barred meet us in the town square to discuss their barring and to see if they could get back in. Hannah and I set out loaded with sandwiches and coffee. Two residents, Kas and "Peter" (the guy I asked you to pray for last week) were in the area and sat and had coffee w/ me while Hannah talked to another guy abt his barring. I could tell "Peter" wasn't ok and I asked him what was going on. He told me that he had his court date in the morning (Fri) but that he couldn't go b/c he didn't have the money to make it out there. He said that meant they would issue a warrant for his arrest, but he said he wanted to go to prison b/c then he could get clean and sober. The temptation is too much for him and it's too hard for him to stay clean now. I was floored by his desperation and assured him there would be a bed for him that night and we could talk more then. (((In my last email home I mentioned "Peter's" situation. He accidentally overdosed two weeks ago. He only does drugs every two weeks, when he gets paid, but he ends up spending at least £120 on drugs (abt $240). He hates the way his life is now and above all, wishes to be clean and sober, walking w/ the Lord. He wants to work in a Christian rehab someday, and many of us believe the Lord's hand is upon him and he'll have a powerful testimony of God's faithfulness that will reach those in a similar situation.)))

Unfortunately, "Peter" showed up drunk that night. Four of us were working: Hannah, Fiona, Justyna, and myself. I went outside to help Fiona while she talked to residents coming in. When "Peter" was told he had to go to bed he flipped out, yelling that he wasn't a child, that he was perfectly ok, and that we didn't know anything abt him and we didn't even care. I knew Fiona would take this esp hard b/c she is very close to "Peter." I was taking it hard and I had only known him for two weeks.

The way things works at the N/S is one person leads out in dealing w/ conflict and another 'seconds.' The person seconding doesn't interact with the resident so that he doesn't feel ganged up on by two staff members. But it was almost too much for me, not being able to talk to "Peter" or even look at him. When he said we didn't care abt him I wanted to scream, 'No, we do! In fact I told all my friends and family in America to pray for you!' But I had to keep it all in.

I don't know how long it lasted. Maybe 25 minutes. He got progressively worse. He couldn't understand why we were refusing him a place to sleep and a meal to eat. At one point, when he was slightly calm, he did turn to me and ask for a cigarette. When I looked up to tell him I didn't have one my heart broke. There was a tear rolling down his right eye and he looked so hurt and confused, like a lost little boy. I was gutted and am surprised I managed not to lose it.

He eventually started trying to destroy property. But God covered Fiona and me because neither one of us felt we were in danger. "Peter" also seemed to consciously avoid our general area. Hannah had called the police by then and an officer showed up shortly thereafter. Unfortunately, "Peter" resisted arrest and had to be taken by force. Hannah led us inside but we ran up the stairs to watch out the window and make sure he was ok.

The whole experience was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to endure. Fiona and I wept, prayed and wept some more for nearly two hours. I still ache whenever I think about it.

But I haven't given up on "Peter!" I know the Lord has promised to prosper him and not to harm him, to give him a future and a hope (Jer 29.11) and I believe that His word does not return void but will accomplish what He desires (Isa 55.11). And I know that God is faithful to complete the work He has started in "Peter's" life (Phil 1.6). So many people are believing he will make it. Please continue to pray for him.

Although I am emotionally drained and physically tired at the moment, there is no place else I'd rather be. This afternoon I heard someone say on tv that you have to weather the storm in order to catch a glimpse of the rainbow (seems there can even be wisdom in Dawson's Creek!). So I chose to keep loving and serving the least of these, having faith that in the end I will see His face.

Again, I thank you for your prayers. They are my shelter in this storm.

Much love,
Debbie

"Defend the cause of the weak and fatherless;
maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed.
Rescue the weak and needy;
deliver them from the hand of the wicked."
~Ps 82.3-4

Life's Absurdities

So I'm sitting in Common Grounds (yes, there is one in D.C. actually Virginia) and a guy walked in carrying 30 or so wind chimes. Do you have any idea how loud 30 wind chimes are? Loud. Everyone turned to see who was jangling, and we saw a kid selling them for his youth group. What guts, huh?
After he walked in a girl followed with her wolf. That's right folks, first a kid with 30 wind chimes and then a girl with a wolf. Where am I, you might ask. A big city. Living for 2.5 years in the land of t-shirts and identical white flippy skirts, I'd forgotten about the wonderful absurdities of city life.
Other absurdities I've experienced today:
1. Reading the bible in pig latin.
2. Hearing the names my carpool has given to the homeless men they pass everyday. There is one guy who has a different pair of shoes each day. Nice shoes.
3. There's also this guy who sits on his porch everyday and watches the traffic go by and laughs. He always wears the same thing and sits in the same position. Why?
4. Watching professionals sun bathe on their lunch breaks in the square with the homeless. They lay down in the grass to tan next to the homeless men sleeping.
As long as there is people in this world, I'll never get bored.

The King's Arms

For those of you who don't know, I'm spending the summer in Bedford, England working with The King's Arms Project. The King's Arms is a church here in town and the project is focused on ministering to the poor and homeless through two residential houses.
There is a night shelter that contains 18 beds. Men and women arrive at 7. If they stayed one night, then they are guaranteed a bed the next night. Otherwise, they'll have to wait until 7:15 and see if there are any spare beds. We haven't had to turn anyone away since I've been working, so that's good. We have a hot dinner ready for them when they arrive, but once coming into the Night Shelter they must stay. Otherwise, they may leave to get drugs or alcohol. Some of the guys have drinking, drug, or mental health issues, so that makes work a little more difficult at times.
Barton House is a transitional house run by Project staff members. It contains mostly guys who have stayed in the Night Shelter in the past. The staff of BH aim to create a home environment for all the residents. They also teach the resies skills that will help them once they're back of their feet.
I first visited Bedford last winter. My church back in Texas sent a team of 12 to work on Project for two weeks. Before my visit, I never thought much about England, especially when I thought about missions work. But the Lord quickly gave me a heart for the nation and I was so grieved to leave.
England has been in a spiritual decline over the last 80 years. The world wars left the nation broken and the people hopeless. They turned their backs on God, not understanding how He could allow such death and destruction. Pastors I have met give staggering statistics: Only 2-3% in the UK are active Christians; 1,000 young people leave the church each week; every week, a church closes its doors and is turned into a Muslim mosque. (Note: These are unofficial statistics gathered from various pastors in the UK)
I never expected to come back, especially so soon, but I praise God for working it out. I hope you don't mind if I use this blog to chronicle the rest of my time here (I've been here abt a month and have at least a month left)
Click on the link to learn more about The King's Arms

Oh My!

This guy had way too much time on his hands....

The Bible in Pig Latin

A Proper Welcome

Work is over for the day! Now I can give a proper welcome to the blog. (Don't want the boss to catch me writing for the blog!) Soooo, welcome to our high tech solution to keeping in touch. ;) Phones, e-mail, faxes; none of those solutions are impressive enough (or inclusive) for us!

Feel free to chat about any thing that comes to mine. We feel the key to staying in close is not in knowing the big things that happen in ones life, but the random small insignificant details. But feel free to share the big stuff as well. My insignificant news for the day; I am in the middle of a coffee hangover.

What is a coffee hangover you might ask? Well I am very prone to this inconvenience. It occurs when I ingest to much coffee in a moment of weakness. My insides become jittery and my hands will actually shake. My worst episodes were in college (can you believe that we are old enough to say that phrase?) A late night cramming could leave me with the worst hangover ever. It really is a ridiculous ailment, feel free to make fun.

Other random tidbits for today: I performed an amazing feat today and woke up at 5:45 to go running! How very disciplined and adult of me. Now about tomorrow...

And finally my recent pet peeve: Guys who repeatedly tell you that they are interested but then never ask you out on a date. Very frustrating!

Yay!

Yay! We have a blog! Here's to friends and keeping in touch. (clink)

Hello World!!!!

Yay!!! Elaine and I have been talking about doing this for months, and we're finally here! She's working hard in Washington DC while I'm frolicking around Bedford, England. We figured a blog could keep us connected after our separation.
*sigh*
Gone are the days of living next door to each other and spending almost every waking moment together. No more late night Friends binges. No more wine and cheese parties (((although there was only really that one last fall))) No more I-can't-believe-she-went-out-in-public-wearing-that glances. No more Common Grounds reading/study sessions.
Okay, I'm going to stop before I start crying.
Anywho, welcome to our blog. We hope you enjoy your stay. Please feel free to leave comments saying how awesome you think we are! ;o)