'Twas the Ev'ning of V-Day

'Twas the Ev'ning of V-Day, but all through the house
Not a suitor was calling, not even Pete Krause.
My stockings were hung by the shower with care
In hopes that they'd not see a run or a tear.

My cat was asleep all snug in his bed
While visions of mouse-chases raced through his head.
With tunes on my stereo, with swing jazz, not rap,
I chilled on my bean bag; my fingers I snapped.

When all of a sudden, I missed when it started,
My wide-awake cat, to the bathroom he darted!
From my bean bag I crawled to the WC,
But helpless, I cried in hysterics, "No, Kitty!"

Engrossed in his dream-state, though he'd never nipped,
His claws tore through nylon -- my stockings he ripped!
"Hey, what are you doing?!?" I shouted and scream-ed.
Limp, feath'ry, and lifeless -- my stockings were shredded!

Releasing his prey, kitty crouched down to purr.
I attempted to fathom; it was all such a blur.
Good grief, what was happ'ning? what caused this odd thriller?
Was my stereo too loud? was he spooked by Glenn Miller??

Perplexed and frustrated, I let out a roar.
Then suddenly, I heard a knock at the door.
Had the neighbors been bothered by all the commotion?
Great, that's all I need! Alas, perish the notion!

But, to my surprise, stood Pete Krause at my threshold!
Spiffed up in a zoot suit. (It made him look old.)
I think he was just a bit nervous romancing.
His voice sort of cracked as he uttered, "S-swing dancing??"

I just shook my head and explained with a sigh
That an accident happened before he came by.
"Nothing to wear have I," I said, sounding like Yoda.
"Could we maybe just go out for dinner, or a soda?"

Pete fin'lly relaxed and said, "What a relief!"
And he added, just somewhat to my disbelief,
"On the dance floor, I tell you, I have two left feet!
Happy Valentine's Day! Let's get something to eat!"

So I turned off my stereo and retrieved my purse
And wondered if kitty had found a small hearse
For the funeral of my stockings, snuffed out and decrepit.
But then I thought, "I've got a date! So to heck with it!"

I scooped up the stockings, tossed them in the wastebasket,
And thought to myself, "Why did I blow a gasket?"
I called to my cat as his eyes caught the light,
"Happy V-Day, dear Fluffy! See you later! Good night!"